GROW TOGETHER OR GROW APART: HOW WE BREAK UP WITH FRIENDS
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
There are an innumerable amount of songs, books, poems and movie scripts that are written about romantic break-ups. Friendship breakups are much less talked about, but equally devastating, perhaps more, depending on the situation. When it comes to a romantic relationship, we know from the start that there is a possibility it won’t work out, that we might break each others’ hearts. But with friends, from a young age, we expect to collect new friends and keep them through all life’s big events. “Friends forever.”
As we get older, it becomes a natural progression that a friend who served you during one part of your life, may not be able to continue with you in your journey. Regardless, breaking up is hard to do. Even the seemingly strongest of friendships can crack, and when they do, it makes us second guess ourselves. If the breakup leaves us feeling betrayed, we wonder how we could have let someone so close undermine us. If we ourselves caused the divide, we self-criticize.
Regardless of what caused the break up, we must deal with feelings of anger and sadness. And for the closest of friends, it may even feel like grieving a death, losing someone you thought would always be a part of your life.
So how do we move on? Perhaps the two biggest steps are forgiveness and self love. We don’t always get an apology or the clean goodbye we could have hoped for. Sometimes closure is what you make it. Or, maybe, you need to forgive yourself for your own shortcomings. Although it sometimes feels natural to harbor ill feelings, forgiveness will set you free. Advice columnist Ann Landers once said, “Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.” Better to evict.
The absence of this once important person in your life may feel like a missing piece for a while. We must remember that we will continue to love and thrive without them. Promote self-love in your daily life in whatever form works for you. Walk by the ocean, spend less time on your phone, challenge yourself to learn a new skill, read more books. Let your curiosity guide you to new opportunities.
The truth is, these friendship breakups, although heartbreaking, are teaching moments that make us better people for our next friendships.